Stephen van Beek MA (Tripos), CMC, DCTP, Member CAPT

How long, how long?

Freud famously remarked over a hundred years ago that "Neurotics are troubled by memory' for he observed that our unhappiness robs us of a sense of the past, present and future.

Time flows seamlessly yet we are often occupied with memories of the past or n concerns about the future.

In therapy you will discover the power of living right now in the present moment of time. This is a bigger deal than many of us imagine, since it gives our lives an entirely different time -line.

Psychotherapy creates a potent sense of the 'now' by yoking together the evidence of our past history that has led to our sense of who we 'are', with our guesses about who we may yet become.

How should time be expended, used and spent? Joseph Pieper extolled leisure as the phenomenon of unnecessary time, and whatever arises within it, as the true basis of all human culture. He regarded the notion that humans are solely destined to work as the victory of Marxism, though this is unfair to Marx on a moral level. Fernand Braudel, the 'prince of historians' examined the financial statements of European businesses dating back nearly ten centuries to prove that what makes cultures thrive is unnecessary luxury goods rather than the production of useful things. Shakespeare has King Lear express both themes in exclaiming

O, reason not the need! Our basest beggars
Are in the poorest thing superfluous;
Allow not nature more than nature needs,
Man's life is cheap as beast's.

So is therapy a useless waste of time? Is there any point in going to talk to somebody once a week over a period of several years while having to pay for the experiences?

On the face of it, it doesn't make a lot of rational sense. How can talking about hopes and fears, dreams and desires, gains and losses -and very often more abut losses than gains- lead to a better way of living n the world as a person? Isn't it better to spend money on fine clothing, trips aboard, a fancy watch by which to see time passing than on the luxury of self-development?

My many colleagues, and certainly those who are part of the Toronto Therapy Network, can all provide their own affirmative support for the intangible luxury that is therapy. Each has remade her or his life by undergoing a profound process of self-exploration without the hope of getting out of it anything more than a stronger self awareness. And their results in their own lives, their ability to help others grow, are proof enough, in my eyes, of the amazing effectiveness of therapy, done properly.

Having for many years worked as a professional management consultant I am also attracted to what has been termed the 'project of the Self' that project that involves taking ourselves as the most serious challenge in our on life. My therapy took root when I realized that everything within me affected how I dealt with others and that my fulfillment of responsibilities to those I loved and dealt with depended on my capacity to be authentic in my own self. I regard this as the core of what is often called the mid-life crisis; it puts the two great questions 'Who am I for me "and "How am I with others?"

Have you noticed yet how the necessary obscures the unnecessary, and how what seems unnecessary is in fact the vital aspect which makes life come together as a whole? A life of dutiful behaviour and right thinking can only take us to the door of our selves, but it is the unnecessary experience that is the key to its lock.

All positive and life-enhancing change seems in folk tales to arise from embracing the unnecessary and the belittled. Foolish Jack traded for the magic beans and gained the golden goose as a result, escaping the giant. A Rolex does not have any such magic in it and possessing such luxuries provides mostly disappointment and desire for more supposed satisfiers in a consumer world that turns away form the power of inner rewards.

How long, how long? How long must we long for our lives to improve, how quickly can we abandon the false ties that bind us to the moment and to our sad pasts? Our consumer math is based on speedy possession, while the work of therapy works at a hidden pace. Based on actual statistics gathered over fifteen years from a group of over fifty therapist, I have been able to conclude that most clients in therapy attend roughly 35 hours of therapy a year. That's a ratio of 1:250 based on the total hours in a year… 8766 if you multiply days times weeks times hours.

What I find so remarkable is that so much change occurs after so few hours spent in self-exploration. Granted, it may take an elapsed two or three years for the deeper changes to set in, yet al the while change is slowly occurring beyond the boundary of conscious knowledge. Such knowledge gradually makes itself known, allowing us to build an increased level of awareness. I would challenge anyone to compare the raw speed of therapeutic change with any other human endeavour. Just try rebuilding your own body with a single session a week at the gym! The doyen of modern physical culture, Joseph Pilates, said of his own method that 'In ten sessions, you will feel the difference, in twenty you will see the difference, and in thirty you'll have a whole new body." He was referring to the increase in the ability to process and build upon new information gained through a correct interpretation.

I find that those whose budget depends on their health plan have a harder time doing therapy than those who realize that they themselves have to pay the fees outright. There is a currently popular and much-mistaken belief that what an insurance company says is enough time must be right, and that only a few twelve hours are needed. As a former consultant to insurance companies, I know that insurers want to collect far more than they pay out.

Investing in one's own life and growth ought to be something we do because we know we need to do so, and not limited to a benefits budget. Nor does OHIP pay the fees of psychotherapists. It's true that a few medical doctors provide psychotherapy, but it is also true that they mostly lack experience and as doctors have less than a week's training compared to the five or ten years of psychotherapists on this site,, so be aware that there are differences in abilities and experience.

How long, how long? How long will you wait to become the person you are intended to become? How long will you defer your hopes and give way to the idea that your life is only what you have now?