Stephen van Beek MA (Tripos), CMC, DCTP, Member CAPT

Why I do this Work

Recently I found myself asking once again, in response to a client's question, why I do the work of psychotherapy. It wasn't the first career into which I launched myself, nor the second, but undeniably it is, while the third, by far the most satisfying use of my energies and talents that I have yet discovered.

It always intrigued me that almost 90% of us in North America end up working in roles and fields for which we did not originally train. Perhaps there is wisdom in the ancient view that our destiny awaits silently, patiently, and that what we must do, if we wish for fulfillment, is to allow ourselves to hear its quiet yet persistent call.

Looking back over the course of my previous runs at becoming fulfilled it now seems clear, with the wisdom of comfortable hindsight, that many of the things I strove to do in the past have fed into the work I do now. Psychotherapy is not a narrowing or reductive profession, but one in which the light and air of the world must come into play. Change and growth presuppose alteration in the way we feel, think and finally act to live lives better suited to our characters. An academically strained and narrowed view, bound to a single theory or skill, is bound to be unsatisfactory.

In fact, while I claimed earlier that I do this work, it is more accurate to say that I explore the possibilities of such self-creative activity within a particular and differentiated dialogue with each client. Every therapy process is as different because everyone is fundamentally different, a phenomenon which delights and inspires me. At the same time, each human being is also similar in the sense that each of us can actually create a dialogue at a deep level with one another, given sufficient openness. This also delights me.

I do not claim to make the changes that my clients make for themselves, and I believe that every client is assisted by a psychic energy beyond true verbal articulation. My role is to act as the midwife to the birth of new features in a life, offering the psychic assistance that I derived from my own very long journey, one still continuing today.

My entry into the work of therapy was accidental and an outgrowth of my own deep personal to answer the core puzzles of my own life. Why was I not happy, despite being fairly smart? Why did I make poor choices, despite knowing my conscious limitations? Why were those I cared for hurting themselves by not doing what was likeliest to reward their lives? Why were they and I unable or unwilling to fully take our lives in our own hands?

Answering these questions was no easy task and occupied me for many years, during which I began to piece together an explanation of how I had arrived at my habits of mind, my sense of limits and possibilities, and the positive and negative aspects of my personality.

Along the way my personality began to shed its armour, and the character beneath began, though reluctantly, to shine forth a little more. I came to recognize the human I had once been and then lost sight of. I recognized the wisdom of e.e. cummings when he said of children, "Down they forgot / As up they grew". For we grow old by forgetting our inner selves, substituting power for joy, casual sex for love, possessing for sharing.

I began to experience the peculiar adventure of recovering possibilities that I thought had passed me by, and of seeing the world with new eyes.

But this did not lead me into the role of therapist. I began my practice in a fairly tentative way at the urging of my teachers, who thought I might bring something fresh and useful to it, but their confidence meant little to me at first. Only a few years later did I realize that the majority of my own psychic energy was flowing into this work, and very little into my earlier profession as a management consultant.

My destiny emerged as I came to experience more acutely the pain of splitting myself between the inner world of the psyche and the outer world of forceful action.

In the end, as I see more clearly now after fifteen years in the work, I had to submit to the greater power of the poetic realm of the unconscious. It is a throwback to my earliest preoccupations with art and with language in an emotive reality that is beyond the crisp limited verities of my worldly life.

Within the world of the mind I have entered into a relationship with myself that was not possible earlier in life. I believe that I had to come to see the limitations of a calculative logic, the kind of strategic decision-making for which I had gained a reputation in certain worldly circles as somebody who could make things happen favourably. At this stage my goals are more modest by far, and the gains my clients make are the higher because I have learned not to strive for their outcomes. That's a big shift, and one that the anxious and planful client may have difficulty with. But the truth emerges when we let it. Forcing time and events does not encourage us - it stops us from flowing where we should.

Part of this change of mind comes out my twenty years of training within the Eastern martial arts tradition. A core assumption in Oriental philosophy is that timing is more important than force. In the West we overvalue conscious rational intention, by contrast, and undervalue receptivity and growth that emerges slowly and without drama.

Psychotherapists in the West have noticed a 'flight to help' pattern in many who wish to change their lives. The so-called 'tenth session' effect occurs when a person new to therapy suddenly decides everything is looking better, and checks out of the longer journey to resolve the underlying issues. Such a person can stand only a little growth; but to understand literally means to stand on a ground that is beneath the ordinary level of existence. Without such an understanding, one slower to build, the foundation of happiness is unstable.

I've learned the tremendous benefit of meeting potential clients on a free and open basis. Psychic connection, the intangible fit between therapist and client, is fundamental. I know it took me time to trust the process of change, and I would far rather work with somebody who feels comfortable with me than spend the energy pushing against an instinctual resistance to deep work that a person may bring in to the consulting room. And if I am not right for a client, why not help that seeker of change find a better choice?

That's one of the basic reasons I built the Toronto Therapy Network and this website on which you have found me. Just as I could not be entirely certain of my fitness for this work, so any aspirant to the process of therapy has to be sure they are working with the right therapist.

I am gratified to hear positive comments from so many people who have found help here among my many committed colleagues.

Best of luck in your journey!